My Annual Cheese Nightmare
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In an odd twist, my annual pre-holiday cheese nightmare wasn’t about cheese at all. No—for whatever reason—I feel confident that I haven’t over-ordered this year. Maybe it’s because I don’t have to receive all the cheese myself anymore…
Still, while I take a perverse pride in having my sleep interrupted by cheese anxiety, last night I had a nightmare about fake cheese. That’s just downright undignified.
There’s this new vegan flavor of the month “best vegan cheese ever” that we have been going to great lengths to carry. It’s called Daiya. It’s from Canada. It’s made of cassava root (like tapioca) and it is really good for what it is. It tastes kinda like the butter flavoring you get on popcorn. It comes pre-shredded and I don’t think it’s a trade secret that the Amici’s chain is now using it on their vegan pizzas.
Unfortunately, while we are selling tons of it, the food service demand for it hasn’t been what the distributors expected and there’s a little Daiya drought. Obsessed vegans are feeling betrayed that we don’t have it on our shelves. I made the mistake of checking my work email upon returning home from a short trip last night and my co-workers were begging me to tell them when it would be in. Evidently it ran out even sooner than expected and the vegans were upset.
Last night I kept having dreams about my coworkers and I being trapped behind the cheese counter, frantically shredding Play Doh and cupping it as a substitute for the unavailable Daiya. There was a huge mob of them having their equivalent of a bread riot, trampling the weak to get their shredded Play Doh cups so they could make their vegan lasagnas for the holidays. They were gathering the remains of the strength in their little vegan bodies in order to elbow their way to the front of the lines. The sneakier ones were jumping the successful elbower-outers as they ran away from the cheese section and jacked their Play Doh that way. Vegan Melee! Very stressful!!
Please Mr. Sandman, if you give me back my dreams of rotting Swiss and maggoty Brie — I will never complain again!
(ETA: oh thank god. I just got word that we’ll get more on Wednesday)
November 20th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Okay, since I’m the Chelsea Green editor who worked on “Cheesemonger,” this is going to sound like a shameless plug, which it is. Fact is, I work on a lot of serious, important books every year, but they’re not necessarily ones that you would want to sit down and read for entertainment in a couple of sittings. And, really, how interesting can one make cheese, which if you deconstruct it is really only milk, salt, and rennet (none of them especially sexy in their own right)?
Gordon Edgar’s book, though, is a really great read. It’s full of wit and humor, but also tugs on the many threads of his life and the issues surrounding the world of cheese. From his punk rock and progressive political roots to the insights into coops and customer (and seller) behavior, this book is one of the most enjoyable I’ve edited in years. If you’re even casually interested in the world of cheese, YOU MUST BUY IT! Then buy one for a friend. Then tell 10 other people about it. Then host a cheese tasting using some of Gordon’s basic guidelines and recommendations.
Oh, and while you’re at it, pick up a copy of “Javatrekker” by Dean Cycon, published a couple years ago by Chelsea Green. It’s another entertaining, well-written book by the owner of Dean’s Beans Organic Coffee Roasters, a Direct Trade company that supports coffee cooperatives throughout the world’s coffeelands, making the world a little better with every cup of joe. The book is not only filled with information, but it’s a damn good read as well. Dean talks about his travels and experiences in Ethiopia, Chiapas, Papua New Guinea — just about everywhere great coffee is grown. It makes a great holiday gift for any java-lover (along with a pound of Dean’s Beans coffee).
November 30th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Just submit your post to my facebook, cant wait to share this.Think all of my folks will see this…Thanks.