Archive for January, 2010

LISTEN: Can Cap and Trade Save the Planet?

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

Cap-and-trade was the free market mechanism that was going to save the planet. Forgive me for being skeptical, but the terms “free market” and “save the planet” rarely fit together comfortably. One of the biggest issues, as Mark Schapiro of the Center for Investigative Reporting explains in his piece in Harper’s this month, is regulation. Who exactly is going to be regulating these polluters? And how can we be sure they’re actually doing their job and not falling asleep at the wheel the way the rating agencies that were supposed to be keeping Wall Street in check did?

Schapiro talked about some of the problems with the burgeoning cap-and-trade market in this interview from American Public Media’s Marketplace:

Ryssdal: The cap and trade regime has two purposes. One is actually functioning as a market. The other side of the coin, though, is the questionable part. Whether or not it actually does really reduce carbon emissions.

SCHAPIRO: Yes, let me give you an example. If a major German utility, which monitors the emissions at every one of their utilities all around Germany, and every month that company knows exactly how much over their emission cap they’re going; and so whenever they reach that cap they know they have to go buy five million tons, 10 million tons, 50 million tons, 100 million tons of these things called credits.

Ryssdal: And when they need those credits they go to Brazil or some other developing economy where some entrepreneur has set up a system whereby he can promise reductions in emissions, yes?

SCHAPIRO: Yes, so that utility can then look to a developing country like Brazil, or China, or India to find a project where a developer is saying all right, I would have been emitting X amount of methane, for example. But I’m going to put in a little machine that’s going to capture the methane from the landfill and therefore I’m going to reduce my emissions by X percent.

Listen Now

Read the whole article here, or listen on


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“Everyone Cheered”—An Excerpt from The People v. Bush

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

The following is an excerpt from The People v. Bush: One Lawyer’s Campaign to Bring the President to Justice and the National Grassroots Movement She Encounters Along the Way by Charlotte Dennett. It has been adapted for the Web.

Everyone cheered. That’s what Bob Kiss remembers most about inauguration day 2009, when he stood in a crowd beneath the helicopter usually known as Marine One and watched it lift off, carrying George W. Bush away from the White House—for the last time—and heading for Texas. For Kiss, the Progressive mayor of Burlington, Vermont, the moment was sheer bliss. Listening to him recall it days later I was reminded of how I felt while watching the same event on TV: “Sayonara, Mr. President!” I blurted out, leaping from my living room couch. “See you in court!”

Did I really say that? The president, “in court”? For a split second, I was startled by my own words. There you go again, I thought to myself. What next?

Like Kiss, I am a Progressive—in a state known for its progressive ways and tenacious political behavior. We are a small state that takes on big issues. And sometimes we surprise ourselves in the process.

The last time I surprised myself was on September 18, 2008, before a roomful of snapping cameras and TV lights in downtown Burlington. On that day, I announced both my candidacy for attorney general in Vermont and my pledge, if elected, to prosecute George W. Bush for murder—in Vermont.

It was a scary and exhilarating moment. Scary because I had never run for political office before, let alone for the highest law-enforcement position in the state. Even scarier because I had decided to include in my platform the prosecution of the former president of the United States for the ultimate crime, a crime that could actually put him behind bars. But it was also exhilarating because sitting next to me was one of the best legal minds in the country: Vincent Bugliosi, the former prosecutor from Los Angeles made famous for his successful prosecution of the Manson family for the seven Tate-LaBianca murders. People also knew of him as the coauthor of Helter Skelter, the biggest-selling true-crime book in publishing history. I had come to know him by reading his latest book, The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder.

Even as a relative newcomer to electoral politics, and even as a Vermonter who knew there was widespread antipathy in my state toward George W. Bush, I figured this particular campaign issue was going to be a hard sell. But with Vince Bugliosi at my side, helping me grapple with some huge legal issues (I don’t think anyone had ever previously suggested prosecuting the president of the United States for murder), I felt confident enough to give it a try. And I’m glad I did it, because it became a transformational experience, not only for me, but for the extraordinary handful of individuals who bravely came to Vermont to join me and a small circle of friends in this campaign.

We are now all members of the accountability movement, a growing nationwide phenomenon that takes as its basic underlying premise the belief that no one, not even the president of the United States, is above the law.

From the very beginning, our campaign took on a life of its own. People appeared out of nowhere to join it. Others I never dreamed of meeting came to support me. The press came calling. All of a sudden, I was leading The Little Campaign That Could.

It all began in late August, 2008, when the Progressive Party leadership, knowing that I was a lawyer, asked me to be their candidate for state attorney general. The party, which is arguably the most viable third party in the United States,1 had successfully elected six members to the Vermont legislature. But in order to maintain its major-party status in Vermont, it needed at least one of its candidates to gain over 5 percent of the vote in a statewide race. Although we had only two months before election day, five of us agreed to run for top slots—lieutenant governor, secretary of state, treasurer, auditor, and attorney general. We all agreed to be write-in candidates during the September 11 primary, and it was left to us as to whether we wanted to “stand” or actually “run” for the position after the primary. After all, it was already pretty late in the game, with the November 4 election only two months away.

I was busy at the time, with many things on my plate, so I only tentatively agreed to run. Still, I started to bone up on the position of attorney general, realizing that the incumbent, a Democrat, headed up a public agency that is actually the largest law firm in the state, with a staff of eighty lawyers in both its criminal and civil divisions. In short, to be an effective candidate, I realized I would have to speak intelligently—and with a vision—on many of the major issues confronting Vermonters, including the environment, consumer fraud, employment discrimination, and, of course, serious criminal behavior, including sex crimes—at the time a hot issue in Vermont because a young woman had been brutally murdered by her uncle, a known sex offender.

Then, a week later, a friend put Bugliosi’s The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder in my hands, knowing that it would appeal to me both as a lawyer and as a former journalist in the Middle East. Bugliosi wanted someone to prosecute Bush for sending American soldiers to Iraq under false pretenses. The deaths of four thousand American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians weighed heavily on him. Prosecuting the president should be done, he argued, not just to bring about justice, but also as an act of deterrence, so that future presidents would think twice about committing heinous crimes while in office.

As I began to read the book, one passage particularly struck me. One way to bring Bush to justice, Bugliosi wrote, was to have a state attorney general prosecute the former president—should one wish to take up the cause. There were many things that had led me to consider running for Vermont’s top law seat, but this was the clincher.

Before I knew it, the legendary Vincent Bugliosi was flying east for a conference on prosecuting war criminals, and on September 12 I was meeting him for the first time. By September 15, I agreed to take up the prosecution issue, but only if he would agree to be my legal counsel during the campaign, and my special prosecutor should I win. There were two reasons to appoint a special prosecutor: in cases where there was a possible conflict of interest, or (as applied to my situation) if the attorney general simply needed another lawyer to do the case. The attorney general position is largely administrative, so asking for help was not unusual. In my case, I needed assurances from Bugliosi that he would lead the criminal investigation of George Bush’s war-related crimes, bring the indictment, and conduct the prosecution, should I be elected attorney general. He agreed, and by September 18 my race was official.

Feds Nix Researchers’ Marijuana Studies

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Dear Drug Enforcement Administration: If you don’t think marijuana has any beneficial medical applications, why not let researchers prove it? Could it be that you’re afraid of what they’ll say?


Lyle E. Craker, a professor of plant sciences at the University of Massachusetts, has been trying to get permission from federal authorities for nearly nine years to grow a supply of the plant that he could study and provide to researchers for clinical trials.

But the Drug Enforcement Administration — more concerned about abuse than potential benefits — has refused, even after the agency’s own administrative law judge ruled in 2007 that Dr. Craker’s application should be approved, and even after Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. in March ended the Bush administration’s policy of raiding dispensers of medical marijuana that comply with state laws.

“All I want to be able to do is grow it so that it can be tested,” Dr. Craker said in comments echoed by other researchers.

Marijuana is the only major drug for which the federal government controls the only legal research supply and for which the government requires a special scientific review.

“The more it becomes clear to people that the federal government is blocking these studies, the more people are willing to defect by using politics instead of science to legalize medicinal uses at the state level,” said Rick Doblin, executive director of a nonprofit group dedicated to researching psychedelics for medical uses.

Read the whole article here.


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FBI Broke Law for Years in Phone Record Searches

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Here’s a shocker: “The FBI illegally collected more than 2,000 U.S. telephone call records between 2002 and 2006 by invoking terrorism emergencies that did not exist or simply persuading phone companies to provide records, according to internal bureau memos and interviews” (the Washington Post). I guess I must be one of the thousands suffering from outrage fatigue, because I’m honestly not surprised. And that’s a shame.

If we don’t hold the government accountable for their actions, there’s no reason this kind of abuse won’t continue to happen again and again and again.

From the Washington Post:

The FBI illegally collected more than 2,000 U.S. telephone call records between 2002 and 2006 by invoking terrorism emergencies that did not exist or simply persuading phone companies to provide records, according to internal bureau memos and interviews. FBI officials issued approvals after the fact to justify their actions.

E-mails obtained by The Washington Post detail how counterterrorism officials inside FBI headquarters did not follow their own procedures that were put in place to protect civil liberties. The stream of urgent requests for phone records also overwhelmed the FBI communications analysis unit with work that ultimately was not connected to imminent threats.

A Justice Department inspector general’s report due out this month is expected to conclude that the FBI frequently violated the law with its emergency requests, bureau officials confirmed.

The records seen by The Post do not reveal the identities of the people whose phone call records were gathered, but FBI officials said they thought that nearly all of the requests involved terrorism investigations.

FBI general counsel Valerie Caproni said in an interview Monday that the FBI technically violated the Electronic Communications Privacy Act when agents invoked nonexistent emergencies to collect records.

Read the whole article here.


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Gordon Edgar: The Antithesis of a Cheese Snob

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Artisan cheese blogger (yes, that’s a real thing, praise Cheesus) and freelance writer Jeanne Carpenter is tired of snobby cheese books, with their froufrou pretentiousness and rarefied pronouncements from on high about “bouquets” and “terroir”. How about a cheese book for people who aren’t as into the cool cache of top-dollar fromage as much as they’re into, I dunno, good-tasting cheese?

You want a cheese book that you’ll want to carry around and show to complete strangers? We got your cheese book right here.

From Cheese Underground:

And with that simple sentence, Gordon Edgar won me over in his new book, “Cheesemonger, A Life on the Wedge” (Chelsea Green Publishing, January 2010, $17.95). As the cheese buyer for Rainbow Grocery Cooperative in San Francisco, Gordon was a cheesemonger before cheesemongering was cool. He’s the Barbara Mandrell of the cheese counter.

Fifteen years ago, this former punk rocker bluffed his way into being hired at Rainbow by proclaiming his favorite cheese was “anything raw and rennetless.” Today, he’s considered to be one of the hippest, most knowledgeable cheese buyers in the country.

I bought and sped read his book last week as a writing assignment for a magazine and have to admit I was not looking forward to it, as I’ve really started dreading reading cheese books. Most of the cheese guides hitting the book stores these days are full of pretentious verbiage written by people who assume that by reputation alone, they are THE authority on cheese.

Not Gordon. While several parts of his book caught me off guard – as in spew coffee through my nose surprised – the preface alone was enduring. Here’s how Gordon starts:

“There are plenty of great cheese guidebooks out there. This is not one of them.” Alrighty then. Well, Cheese Underground readers, I guarantee that by the end of Gordon’s book, you’ll disagree. While “Cheesemonger” is billed as the story of one guy’s memoir of his journey into the cheese business, it’s also an inspiring, introspective read for people like me who have always struggled with being cool enough to fit into the hip cheese crowd.

Read the whole article here.


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Boston Globe: Go See People v. Bush Author Charlotte Dennett at Harvard Book Store

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

“If we do not hold the people in high places accountable for the crimes that they committed in office, the crimes will be continued in the future,”
—Vermont Attorney Charlotte Dennett

Dennett, author of The People v. Bush: One Lawyer’s Campaign to Bring the President to Justice and the National Grassroots Movement She Encounters Along the Way, will be discussing and signing her book at the Harvard Book Store in Cambridge, Mass., tomorrow, January 20. (This is in addition to the talk she’ll be attending on the 21st with Vincent Bugliosi and fellow Chelsea Green author Naomi Wolf.) If you’re in Boston, it’s the perfect time to join the accountability movement.

From the Boston Globe at

When Charlotte Dennett ran for Vermont attorney general in 2008, her intention was to indict then-President George W. Bush for the deaths of Vermont soldiers sent to Iraq. Dennett lost handily, but she hasn’t given up on her quest to charge the former president with murder. Her new book, “The People v. Bush’’ (Chelsea Green), documents her unsuccessful run for office and the small but vocal movement dedicated to bringing Bush to trial.

“The powers that be hoped that this would all go away, and it’s not going away,’’ Dennett said in a recent phone interview.

Dennett was a Progressive Party candidate without a platform in August 2008, when a friend gave her a copy of “The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder’’ by Vincent Bugliosi, a former Los Angeles County prosecutor best known for his work on the Manson Family cases. That book, which outlined how a state attorney general could bring charges against the president once he left office, struck a chord with Dennett.

“I paused and thought, what sitting attorney general is going to take that risk to his or her job?’’ she said, and promptly decided to take up the cause as a central platform plank.

Read the whole article here.

Photo: Tony Talbot/AP/File


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Time‘s To-Do: Go See Collapse

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Collapse, the Chris Smith-helmed documentary starring America’s favorite doomsayer, Michael Ruppert, made it onto this week’s Time magazine “Short List of Things To Do”—their “guide to what you should see and what you should skip.”

Recall the pain of $4-a-gallon gas? Try $100,000. Anxiety chronicler Michael Ruppert sees the day when oil runs dry and overpopulation sparks panic. Speed-talking and chain-smoking, he poses his vision in a doc (now on video on demand) that’s hypnotic and haunting.

View the full list here.


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The Accountability Movement Roars Back to Life: The People v. Bush Now Available (Read an Excerpt)

Monday, January 18th, 2010

For those of us still seeking accountability for the crimes of the Bush administration and the despicable behavior of the Department of Justice under George W. Bush, the fires of outrage aren’t out yet. As squeamish as politicians seem to be about prosecuting crimes that happened in the past (as opposed to…?), there is a citizen’s movement that won’t just let massive injustices get swept under the rug.

On January 21, Charlotte Dennett, Vincent Bugliosi, and Naomi Wolf will be speaking at at the 92nd Street Y in New York City. The talk is entitled “Above the Law: VIPs and Accountability” and will attempt to shed light on the difficulties inherent in trying to prosecute crimes by high-ranking officials and the mega-rich, as well as the importance of adhering to the principle that no one is above the law. Bonus: the 92nd Street Y is offering complimentary tickets to law students.

Join an esteemed panel as they discuss American criminal justice, executive accountability and the difficulties encountered when prosecuting VIPs or celebrities in the government, corporate or entertainment sectors. Panelists include Charlotte Dennett, attorney and author of The People v. Bush: One Lawyer’s Campaign To Bring the President to Justice and the National Grassroots Movement She Encountered Along the Way; Vincent Bugliosi, attorney and author of The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder; and Naomi Wolf, author of the best-selling The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot.

Event details can be found here.

You can pick up a copy of Attorney Charlotte Dennett’s new book, The People v. Bush: One Lawyer’s Campaign to Bring the President to Justice and the National Grassroots Movement She Encounters Along the Way, now—from our online bookstore or your favorite retailer.

Excerpted below is the Preface, by Charlotte Dennett.

Many Americans consider it common knowledge that we have just lived through eight years of a rogue presidency. The question is: Have we set the stage for another rogue presidency in the future? Many believe the answer is yes, and as you will read in The People v. Bush, one way to prevent that is by prosecuting high-level officials for crimes committed in office.

This book is a cry for justice and accountability. Many Americans, pressed by hard times, are forgetting that the epidemic of lawlessness during the Bush era was a major cause of their misery. The Republican right wing is inflam¬ing discontent. Dark times could happen again, and they could be worse.

Corporate America has corrupted both major parties and all three branches of government, starting with the executive branch. President Bush lied so that he could send troops to fight his oil war in Iraq. He had people tortured and defiled the Constitution in order to boost his power while suppressing dissent at home.

Is this the kind of president we want for our children and grandchildren?

There are those who believe we live in a plutocracy, that it feeds on empire, and that it will take a gargantuan effort to change our country’s political direction. I’m up for that effort. So are a growing number of others that you will read about in the pages ahead.

As I write this, we are at an odd juncture, with President Obama not even a year into his first term and many in the nation watching to see just how far the demands of empire may sway his judgments. Emerging from a war we can’t justify, another one that’s escalating, and a crippling economic crash, Americans might easily find themselves feeling cynical.

My goal in writing this book is to help those craving justice choose action over cynicism. If you feel powerless to make that choice, then consider these many things we already have going for us.

1. A growing human-rights movement. Spurred by two foreign wars and appalled by torture, this movement’s most active members are human-rights lawyers, peace activists, civil libertarians, and people of faith.

Reverend William Wipfler, formerly head of the Human Rights Office of the National Counsel of Churches, is one. He sent an eight-page letter to Attorney General Eric Holder (reproduced on decrying previous inaction in the face of known U.S. war crimes. “I have interviewed and counseled the victims of the most heinous abuse imaginable, and then have had to leave them, wondering if they could ever heal their spirit,” he writes.

“For that reason, and for them, I insist that there must be accountability, and that accountability must respond to the highest standards of accepted domestic and international rule of law and not solely to political expedi¬ency.” I can just hear House Speaker Nancy (“impeachment is off the table”) Pelosi say, “Ouch!”

2. Evolving international law. It’s easier now to prosecute offenders because international law has evolved. In 1998, Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet was arrested in England for murdering, torturing, and “disappearing” politi¬cal opponents in Chile between 1973 and 1990.

√Also in 1998, the International Criminal Court (ICC) was created. The ICC tries the most serious of crimes, including genocide and war crimes. Previous U.S. administrations have refused to be a signatory to the ICC, an issue that is likely to come before the Obama administration for rectification.

Two Spanish judges are currently conducting criminal investigations into alleged war crimes by Bush et al. against Spanish detainees in Guantánamo. The ICC, meanwhile, has begun an investigation of possible war crimes by U.S. forces committed in Afghanistan in 2001.

Gail Davidson, a Canadian lawyer who heads the worldwide Lawyers against the War (LAW), has twice tried to bring Bush to justice. In both cases, she relied on Canadian and international laws that prohibit war crimes, but no judge or prosecutor would enforce them.

When I asked Davidson why she persevered, she replied: “When Bush began bombing Afghanistan in 2001, the memory of that famous photo of a little girl running and burning from aerial bombing in Vietnam came to mind. I thought of my own grandchild running and burning and not having anyone say, ‘You can’t do that. This war is illegal.’ ”

She also likes citing Gandhi: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

3. Time. Movements take shape and gain focus with time—and we have time on our side. Already, as I write this, calls for prosecuting high govern¬ment officials have gone mainstream. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder has appointed a special prosecutor to look into alleged crimes committed by the CIA. In Britain, the Chilcot Inquiry is holding hearings on alleged govern¬ment fraud and illegal collusion with the United States leading up to the Iraq war. As time goes on, more action will unfold. But it will take steady prod¬ding from citizens willing to make accountability a priority.

Aside from these concrete signs of progress, we also have some deep historical influences to guide a movement focused on restoring accountabil¬ity and maintaining civil societies. For me, those influences are embodied in the form of Lady Justice, one of the oldest symbols in human history. Dating back to Ancient Greece, the birthplace of democracy, Lady Justice adorns the world’s courtrooms, often clothed in flowing robes and always holding aloft the scales of justice, equally balanced. Often, too, she is blindfolded to make a simple point: True justice must be blind to rank, power, or privilege. We are all equal under the law.

I first encountered Lady Justice in the foyer of a federal courthouse in Manhattan. Aloof from X-ray machines and armed guards, she seemed to fling herself out at me like a giant Nike, the goddess of victory and triumph. Her arms outstretched holding perfectly balanced scales, her head held high, her eyes blindfolded, this huge, white-cloaked apparition made me stop and stare.

Today, she remains a powerful reminder that we cannot tolerate the rich and the powerful living above the law.

As Americans, we also have our revolutionary forbears to inspire us. Pamphleteer Tom Paine cried out in 1776, “O Ye that love mankind! Ye that dares oppose not only the tyranny but the tyrant, stand forth!” In 1863, Abraham Lincoln gave a stirring reminder at his Gettysburg Address that our democracy must never be allowed to die, just as those who died in the civil war must never be allowed to die in vain. He made a promise: “That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

Today, with our first African American president, those words have a new resonance. We can still hope, but we must strengthen our resolve to act.

Cambridge, Vermont
December, 2009

DIY U: Welcome to the Communiversity

Monday, January 18th, 2010

An intriguing experiment in community-oriented higher education is coming to Sandpoint, Idaho: it’s called the Communiversity. It’s not a college. It’s a cross-generational, interdisciplinary learning center.

From the Bonner County Daily Bee:

SANDPOINT — No one is using qualifying phrases like “instead of” or “apart from.” To the contrary, members of the local business, education and government communities are careful to note that they believe a proposed new plan for higher education will complement, not compete with, the Wild Rose Foundation’s pledge to build a University of Idaho campus here.

But with that plan on the back burner for more than two years now, excitement has shifted to a wholly different kind of university concept.

“It’s called a ‘Communiversity,’” said Connie Kimble, who oversees the individualized occupational training for the work-based learning program at Sandpoint High School. “It’s the same idea we’ve been talking about for years.

“The Wild Rose Foundation wanted to build a campus, but got stopped because of economic reasons,” she added. “In that case, a single entity would have driven things, but under this model, the community drives it.”

Kimble first heard about the Communiversity concept while attending an education seminar in Atlanta. The first such institution, she learned, got underway in 2005 when a Georgia firm called the Warren Featherbone Company donated 127,000 square feet of unused manufacturing space on seven acres of land to create a community learning center in Gainesville, Geo.

By the following year, the City of Gainesville had partnered with surrounding communities, as well as nearby Brenau University, the Lanier Technical College and the Georgia Power Company, to bring multiple financial and educational resources together under the single umbrella of the Featherbone Communiversity. Along with degree-oriented classes, the campus offered myriad continuing education and special interest courses, coupled with a business incubator that helped carry entrepreneurial dreams forward and an interactive children’s “Imaginarium” designed to spark a lifelong passion for learning.

Kimble returned from Atlanta convinced that she had seen the direction for higher education in her own community.

Read the whole article here.


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Gene Logsdon: Loco Food

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

Local? Yes. Delicacy? Well… depends on where you’re standing, really.

Gene Logsdon takes an irreverent look at the other side of local foods—or loco foods—in his latest post on The Contrary Farmer. Pull up a seat and dig in.

Out here in the flatland corn forests of the Midwest, we boast that we have the localest food in the country. Some of it never travels farther than 200 feet, the average distance between barn and house.

Souse is one such delicacy. If you don’t know about souse you are a mere fledgling in the world of local foods. If you do know about it, you may refer to it more often as loco food. You can find out about it in cookbooks, but I can save you the time. Souse is the inedible parts of a hog cooked to a gelatinous mass that has the consistency and taste of Vaseline washed in vinegar. If it is not a local food where you live, count your blessings.

Blood pudding is another loco food still made in our county. Some cookbooks have recipes for it but none of them tell the whole story. Frontier farmers eking out a living before giant tractors were discovered in the primeval forests invented this savory dish. It consists of everything in or on a razorback hog that can’t be eaten until one is near starvation. After surviving on the stuff in one’s youth, old timers keep forcing it on younger generations out of loyalty to the past. Younger generations, worried about the future of mankind, have been known to make blood pudding disappear on the way from barn to the kitchen. It goes from barn to doghouse, ten feet away, making it the grand champion of all local foods.

If you are a locavore, be thankful you don’t live in Kentucky. A local dish where my wife grew up is called Kentucky oysters. I don’t know how to say it delicately so I will just say it. Kentucky oysters, or mountain oysters in other states, are pig gonads. My wife insists they are actually not bad.

I myself am glad that I don’t live in California where avocados are local food. To me an avocado tastes something like a wad of cotton that has been immersed in three year old lard for a few days. Californians keep trying to pawn their avocados off on unsuspecting flatlanders in the cornbelt. My mother tried to hide some in a salad once, but I fetched every single slice out before my brother and sisters could be harmed.

Read the whole article here.

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