“An eye-opening book about how to avoid misunderstandings. Combining her empathy as a therapist, rigor as a scientist, and clarity as a teacher, Yael Schonbrun reveals how we can get better at building bridges. Why Don’t You Understand Me? is tailor-made for this moment.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Vibe and Think Again; host, Re:Thinking podcast “Why Don’t You Understand Me? names the hidden forces that cause even the most caring, attentive people to misunderstand one another and offers a path to the kind of connection that makes us feel genuinely seen and valued. This is a book about communication, yes—but even more, it’s a book about what it takes to truly matter to the people who matter most to you.”—Jennifer Wallace, New York Times–bestselling author of Mattering “I loved this book...We’re so sure we’re right that it impedes true understanding. And then, when we least expect it, the book offers a solution to the basic problem of why it’s so hard to really understand one another. Buy this book if you care about communication!”—John M. Gottman, PhD, New York Times–bestselling coauthor of Fight Right and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work “I have read a lot of books about communication and conflict, and this one stands out. It’s based on rigorous research, which is rare, and it’s filled with actionable advice. But what really got me were the stories. Dr. Schonbrun tells stories about real people grappling with the limitations and wonders of relationships. These are the kinds of stories that make us feel understood, just by reading them.”—Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict; cofounder, Good Conflict “Read this propulsive, paradigm-shifting book and all your interactions with other people will change for the better. Why Don’t You Understand Me? is more than a book: It’s a fascinating life hack explaining why we misunderstand each other even when we think we’re communicating clearly. If you’ve ever wondered why your communication with someone feels unsatisfying, here is your answer and your solution. I loved this book! It has my highest recommendation.”—Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, New York Times–bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child “Yael Schonbrun has written a clear-eyed guide to one of the most frustrating experiences in relationships: feeling misunderstood. With rigorous science and real humanity, she offers a clarifying way beyond the usual communication advice to something more fundamental—and more helpful. I regularly work with people navigating difficult relationships, and I’ll definitely be pointing them to this book.”—Amy Gallo, author of Getting Along; contributing editor, Harvard Business Review “Yael Schonbrun offers us a surprisingly practical guide to solving the deepest of human needs—being understood! With rigorous research and heartwarming stories, she offers the reader a path toward less distress and a greater sense of belonging.”—Julia A. Minson, bestselling author of How to Disagree Better; professor of public policy, Harvard Kennedy School “If you’ve ever wondered why you feel misunderstood even when you’re being clear, this book is for you. Drawing on rigorous research and years of clinical expertise, Schonbrun unpacks the hidden dynamics that can turn everyday interactions into missed connections—and shows how we can avoid them. Accessible, deeply insightful, and absorbing from start to finish, this book is an indispensable guide for building the shared understanding we all seek.”—Harry T. Reis, PhD, Dean’s Professor in Arts & Sciences, professor of psychology, University of Rochester; coauthor of How to Feel Loved “Why Don’t You Understand Me? is a wise, wonderful guide to why we so often misunderstand each other—even when we’re sure we’re being clear. Yael Schonbrun shows how emotions, biases, and fears shape what we hear and what we miss, and explains how to move through conflict with more grace, guts, and care.”—Marc Brackett, director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence; bestselling author of Dealing with Feeling and Permission to Feel