Excerpt
Single Mothers: Courage Under Fire
Until I went to Mississippi, I hadn’t spent much time with single mothers other than my own. I’d forgotten how committed they are to their children and how determined they are to provide the love, in some cases, of two people. There are many single mothers in Mississippi. I’m sure there are several explanations for this, none of which really matter to a mother who is trying to raise her children as best she can—even under the impossible circumstances created by a hurricane that destroyed what little livelihood she had.
Sheila lived across the street from the community center where we unloaded the relief supplies. She had a small home of approximately six hundred square feet; in her front yard a large tree had been uprooted. We asked her if we could go inside to see the water damage.
Sheila was so proud to show us her home. She told us that she rode out the storm in that little house, though she agreed that she would never do that again. She had stripped out the carpeting and was trying to dry out the mold with fans, but she was losing the battle. Mold was already crawling up the walls. It was so bad that our lungs felt heavy after only five minutes inside with her.
Jasmine, Sheila’s seven-year-old daughter, was our biggest helper when unloading the truck and making the supplies accessible to everyone. She followed us into her home. I noticed that Sheila had bought Jasmine the modern equivalent of a set of encyclopedias—Jasmine’s computer had survived Katrina and she had a school software program running on it.
Sheila and Jasmine are now staying with Sheila’s mother in her small house. It will take at least $26,000 to repair Sheila’s home. In addition to the mold, the entire foundation has shifted. Sheila works but cannot qualify for a private loan under the current circumstances. She was insured for hurricane damage but her insurance company said that the damage did not exceed her deductible. Her deductible was $300. She plans to appeal the decision, but in the meantime she’s stuck with waiting to see what FEMA and a Small Business Administration loan will provide.
The next day we went to the Lockett Williams Mortuary, which was acting as a community supply depot. It was centrally located and owned by Rev. Rosemary and Rev. Theodore. Their daughter, Sonya Williams, another single mom, manages the mortuary. Her father calls her “my right hand, left hand, and everything else.”
Sonya’s five-year-old adopted son, Shedrick, was born to a welve-year-old girl whom Sonya had mentored. The middle school principal hoped that Sonya could make a difference in this troubled girl’s life. She was a straight “A” student, but the circumstances in which she was growing up were hardly conducive to developing into a responsible adult.
I once attended a seminar on mentoring sponsored by United Airlines. The man leading the course said there are five things a child needs to become a fully functional, contributing member of our society:
- An adult in his or her life who is irrationally committed to his or her welfare. (He did not say an irrational adult who should be committed!) This adult does not need to be the child’s parent. It can be a grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend of the family, or mentor.
- The basic needs for food, shelter, and safety must be met.
- A child needs to learn to read, write, and do arithmetic.
- A child needs to learn skills that can later be applied in the workplace.
- A child needs to be able to give back to his or her community.
Sonya was the adult—the only adult—irrationally committed to this young girl’s welfare. Sonya took responsibility for the first step on this child’s road to becoming a fully functioning adult. Despite Sonya’s commitment, that child had her own child at the age of twelve.
Sonya continued to mentor the young mother and helped support her and her new son. Ultimately, the young girl was not ready for motherhood. When a judge asked Shedrick’s birth mother what she would like to have happen to the child, she said she wanted Ms. Sonya to raise him. The judge called Sonya and she picked up Shedrick from the courthouse when he was four weeks old. Thanks to Sonya’s selflessness, Shedrick will get past the first step on the road to full development. He has not just one, but a whole community of adults irrationally committed to his welfare.
One week while I was in Mississippi, Shedrick earned the Student of the Week award at his school. The award has an additional privilege aside from the prestige that comes with such a distinction: each Student of the Week gets to bring a treat for his or her classmates. Most children bring cupcakes, Fruit Roll-ups, or a similar treat. Not Shedrick. Although he is only five years old, he is sharp enough to realize that his class had not had much in the way of real food to eat since Katrina, and this required big thinking, even among Gulfport’s smallest citizens. When Sonya asked him what treat he wanted to take to school he said, “Collard greens, fried chicken, and macaroni and cheese.” Sonya was a little taken aback, as the request was made at the breakfast table on the day the treat was to be produced by the Student of the Week.
Collard greens, fried chicken, and macaroni and cheese are not on the “Katrina Menu” that the few existing restaurants serve. Sonya works and everyone she knows works, including her mother and father, so that eliminated the possibility of recruiting others.
Sonya, like mothers everywhere, found a way to do the impossible. I asked Shedrick what made him want to feed his class this big meal. At first he said, “I don’t know.” But after he thought for a moment he said, “Well, my teacher loves fried chicken.” Perhaps the five-year-old Shedrick instinctively knew that his teacher and class needed a real meal. He is already accomplishing the fifth step on the list to becoming a “fully functional, contributing member of society.” He is determined to give back to his community with the help of the person who has always given to him.
The first time I met Sonya she looked visibly stressed. She had been arranging for the burial of some of Katrina’s victims whose families had no money to bury their dead. She called the Batesville Casket Company to ask if they would consider donating a few caskets. They refused, saying they gave to the Red Cross. Sonya did not tell us this, but we understand that her family ultimately paid the burial costs so these families could give their loved ones a proper burial.
While FEMA lists burial expenses on its website as one of the potential disaster benefits, it is up to the family to pay the expenses and then request reimbursement. The last thing Sonya intended to do was collect money from these destitute people.
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